I was emailing a dear friend yesterday that this process is getting harder and harder right now for a couple of reasons. Ray and I are trying to remain level, but internally, for me, it's taking its toll. Here are some of the concerns, and very real situations, that we're dealing with.
Our deepest wish
** To have our boys home with us immediately, before Christmas, and that the end of this long journey go smoothly. (It'll have been 10 months on Dec. 6).
Heart-breaking scenarios
1. We're so close, but if anything happens, then this seemingly near-end will jump farther from us and would break our hearts. We miss those boys so much, and we're just desperate to know how they're doing, if they're well, and having no news is hard to handle.
2. If anything happens, there's no way we'll have the boys by Christmas, which is what I'd hoped for way back when we started the process in March. Somehow the idea of having Christmas without them makes me want to not have Christmas. I don't how to explain the feeling, but I have just had it in my head and heart for so long that they'd be here by now.
3. If anything happens, we'll definitely hit that Jan. 1 wall that is still in existence unless the Guatemalan Congress has the foresight and determination to do what's right for the children of Guatemala in the face of the US Government. The unknown of what could happen if our adoption was placed on-hold indefinitely scares me for the boys and for me.
4. Something may still yet happen that would mean we were unable to bring our boys home. Ever. PGN could deny us. The birthmother could decide not to sign the final authorization. These things are unlikely at this point, but not impossible. I read online where a family has a "prayer daughter" because they nearly adopted her and the birthmother changed her mind.
I know it sounds like we're being irrationally worried, but these are all possible situations. I read online yesterday about a woman who was kicked out of PGN (the stage we're in right now) because someone in Guatemala marked through something on a paper. They kicked out the form because of the cross-through and it now has to be redone, and resubmitted to start the entire PGN process over from scratch. One upset like that throws us into any one of those scenarios above.
Anyway, the reason that I'm writing is to share what I heard on the radio this morning. Thank you, Spirit FM. As Christians, it is God who gives our trials meaning. They are not pointless or heartless, but set us on a path towards Him, and towards being more like Him. That realization helps considerably. What I'm going through now (and it's a lot!) is not meaningless. God has a plan, and now is not the time for me to lose heart and hope.
Anyway, I'm writing this more for me, than for you, but keep us in your thoughts, and we'll let you know as soon as we know anything ourselves.
Amor,
Kelli
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