Day 3: Saying Goodbye

Daniel put his head down on the coffee table in the hotel

lobby. Mateo came over to comfort him.

Mateo and Daniel brushing their teeth the night before.

I just wasn't ready -- wasn't ready for how heart-breaking it was, wasn't ready to say goodbye, wasn't ready to leave. While the boys were in the tub this morning with bags packed, I told them this was our last day. I didn't want them to be shocked . . . it went fine. We wrapped towels, got dressed, ran around the room.

And then it was time to go meet the foster mother. When we took our bags downstairs, Daniel got really detached and sad. He started being a bit moody, as though he were tired and it wasn't 8:30 in the morning. And then he just started sobbing. I carried him around the hotel and sang a few lullabies, which always calm him quickly. But the foster mother didn't show.

Teo, our Guatemalan guy in charge, came by and saw us waiting in the lobby. He said not to worry, they'd be here soon. . .

So we waited. Daniel had another patch of crying. And Ray started to get a bit nervous about making sure everything was ready for us to catch the shuttle to the airport. He took trips around to the room, to the front desk, and both boys were glad to tag along, anxious to move around.

And then Teo emerged and said there was a horrible accident in the road, something about traffic being backed up, they had no idea how long the foster family would be, he would take the boys instead and wait for her, we should go. . .

And so, I walked the boys to a restaurant in the hotel where there was another couple sitting at a table where Teo was going to have breakfast. We sat the boys down and I smothered them with kisses though all the tears. And when Teo said, "Say adios to mama" they just looked scared and bewildered. And I kissed them again and said goodbye, just sobbing.

I went back to the lobby and was practically uncontrollable. And this man with a baby came over and hugged me. His wife came over and told him to let me go -- explained they'd been there before -- that she knew I didn't want to talk right them --

And Ray and I were waiting for the hotel shuttle outside, when Ray had to go back in and look for the man connected with the shuttle. He came back out and said the foster mother had arrived! So I ran back in to find he was mistaken, that our boys were on the couch in the lobby with strangers just sobbing. And when they saw me, it just got so much worse. I kissed them again, and dashed away, but I could hear them all the way outside.

I sobbed all the way to the airport, on the plane, this whole horrible day.

When Ray and I arrived in Atlanta, a mother and her son were down the way, and the boy kept saying, "Mama! Mama!" and everytime, Ray and I would look up, thinking it was OUR boys calling for us.

My head is splitting and my heart is broken. Ray keeps saying next time will be at the airport with them in tow. Next time . . . It is hopeful, though it feels so horribly distant.

On the bright side, we found out we have entered PGN and things are moving a little quicker than we thought. Maybe the boys can be home for Christmas afterall. One thing is certain, our lives are forever changed. Una familia grande.